aliplushie's Xanga

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 05:41:55 GMT

I know I have to pack soon and I'm trying my best to limit myself to what I can and cannot bring. Thing is, comparatively, there isn't much to bring on my move. I think shoes are the only thing I don't need to shop for before leaving, which is good. The less the better.

Anyway, my point. I just kind of realized what a shithole my life is. Seriously, an absolute shit hole. The few pieces of clothing I have that are actually presentable are shabby and falling apart. I think its been eight months since I've even gotten a new shirt.

Not that I'm really up for caring about getting tons of new stuff, but I think it was four weeks ago that I pulled the underwire out of my favorite bra because it was getting old. I asked to get a new one and... hmm.. still nothing. Despite promises. I think I have five pairs of ear rings to my name, three of which are gaining rust. The chain for my favorite pendant has gone missing.

There hasn't been an actual photo of -me- since I was 17 years old. Is this what little my life is worth? I can't even look nice or feel comfortable without getting a severe guilt trip from Dax. I mean, what am I? Strap a collar around my neck and call me Twinkies, for God's sake. I think I should be thankful for my allergies to so many shampoos, soaps and detergeants, perfumes, lotions and body sprays, ect. Simply because its the only reason why I get a new bottle of lotion every year to a year and a half.. its the only reason why I can use my own deodorants, shampoos and soaps.. because I'm too allergic to the crap Dax uses.

Do you know I'm using the same perfume Dax got for free and gave to me when I was 17 years old? I think I have less than a teaspoon of it left in the bottle. I save it for special occasions. My body sprays are over two years old, maybe three. I've long since run out of lotion. I got a bottle for christmas from Dax's mother, but I'm allergic to it. My nausea medication, of which there are only two doses left, is older than Geni who is three years old now. I'm careful about using it. When I run out, who is to say I'll ever get a new bottle?

I'm going to ask Lasse to download and print out the forms for Visa application as soon as possible; I want to submit the papers the same week (if at all possible) I arrive. I want to start working, where the fuck I have any idea where I could get a job, I have no idea, but I have to try. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I'm a doormat. Maybe I'm shallow. Maybe there are a billion things wrong with me, but I'm a person..

..and for once in my life, I want to feel like one.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 22:02:03 GMT

New xanga: http://xanga.com/my_vanilla_kiss Go there to see today's post.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 06:43:38 GMT

Its been a long while since I've posted here. Not too much has happened, though. Dax's car was stolen and not found for an entire month. Dec 3, we got a phone call from Mexico, telling us they found our car. Someone was stupid enough to try and drug traffic across the border in a shiny silver 2004 Dodge Durango. Anyway. We haven't gotten it back yet, but we're supposed to get it soon. I've been doing a lot of work on my site, creating some scripts, putting together some other ones. Learning a lot of PHP.

Beanie and I.. well. I personally think we're doing quite well. Fourth anniversary went by rockily and I've been grumpy, he's been sick, but, given that he still loves me as much I do him XP.. We're doing fine. I hope to God this a long haul. I'm tired of bouncing through irresponsible half-year relationships. Another 3-year one would be good, but I don't intend for this to end. Little steps at a time, you know? Don't expect too much. I'll work on getting to 6 months first, then a year.

Anyway. TODAY.. is the QBee Blog Day. So, I should say something about it because I love the Quilting Bee enough to care about it. Patch or no patch awarded, I'd still blog about the QBee, and I have before. I'm about 5-6 patches or less away from my first 50 trades. When I get to 50, I'll be sure to wash my quilt so I'm sure I've got it. I don't count retired traders. I've added a counter to my quilt in php, but I accidentally broke it, so I've got to fix it soon sometime. I haven't checked the site in a few days, but I REALLY.. really hope they do the secret santa thing this year. I'm not sure if we have enough time for it left, but I can hope. Two weeks ago I met my 1 year anniversary of joining the Quilting Bee Clique and I'm so proud. I think I'll be getting one of my friends to join soon too, but I owe my membership to Terri. After being declined for membership the first time, she gave me hope to try out again and I was accepted. So I'm grateful to her, my first sibling webmistress. <3

I'm currently working on a mall for Eden Enchanted right now, though, so no more layouts on xanga for a bit. Also, I've got contests going on, pixel contests, so come check them out at http://aliplushie.com/ and join in on the action.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 23:09:19 GMT

Layout now available for download. It is LINKWARE:
// Preview //
// Download //

Visit aliplushie.com for more xanga layouts and other designs. Don't direct link else you'll end up with pretty little red ex's all over your site and lord knows what else. I'm mean like that. Also, leave the link to my website on your xanga or I'll take action against you. The above layout is copyright to me and as such, I reserve the right to do what I want with it including take it away. ;D

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 08:09:55 GMT

New layout. Whatcha think? <3 I'm back for the most part from my depression. Thank goodness. I'll be finishing the image mapping later. Its a pain in the ass to do. When I'm done with this layout, I'll put it up for download on my site. xP

Ali of aliplushie.com

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 15:51:24 GMT

Time to be anti-social. Don't expect an update, though it could happen if I feel emo and want to rant and rave or a friend demands I do. Which.. I highly doubt will happen. My boyfriend'll probably be busy all day again. And the weekend feels like an inevitable monsoon waiting to invade upon my life.

Soanyway. No particular reason. I just get depressed and anti-social around this time of year, even if I don't want to be. SAD, more likely than not.

Want an update? Check.. uh.. my website for changes.

Peace. For who knows how long.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 10:53:08 GMT

Excerpt from a chain letter my mother sent me:

" Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you
back when you hang up on him. Who will stay awake just to watch you
sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show
you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your
hand in front of his friends. Wait for the one who is constantly
reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to
have you. Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,
"...that's her." "

...I totally have that guy. I think. Beanie. Fuckin' help me out here, y'Punk. <3

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 12:38:23 GMT

I feel boring and useless.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Mon, 05 Sep 2005 08:24:06 GMT

Solike. Beanie asked me out to-- er.. yesterday. Sunday Morning on September 4, '05. o_O;

I gave him shit for 30 minutes before finally saying yes. Difficult thing to do but.. I'm glad I did it.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 00:04:44 GMT

GabrielStiles (5:06:42 PM): Heya young'un
aIipIushie (5:06:52 PM): Hihi.
GabrielStiles (5:07:01 PM): hihi to you 2.
aIipIushie (5:07:12 PM): Whats up?
GabrielStiles (5:07:37 PM): just checking out how bad women suck.
aIipIushie (5:07:47 PM): Why's that?
GabrielStiles (5:08:01 PM): Why do women suck? Cause you do! LOL
GabrielStiles (5:08:08 PM): Love them, but they suck! LOL
aIipIushie (5:08:26 PM): Ahuh. What'd we do to make you think that? :P Feel? Omg what a crime.
GabrielStiles (5:08:56 PM): Uh, you guys were female. lol
GabrielStiles (5:09:02 PM): No biggie.
aIipIushie (5:09:05 PM): Rightright. xP
GabrielStiles (5:09:09 PM): I'm not realy angry.
GabrielStiles (5:09:11 PM): :)
aIipIushie (5:09:20 PM): What happened? Spill it.
GabrielStiles (5:09:20 PM): In fact, met online a dream girl!
GabrielStiles (5:09:26 PM): Nothing happened.
aIipIushie (5:09:32 PM): e_e
GabrielStiles (5:09:33 PM): Just tired of dealing with a freind
aIipIushie (5:09:38 PM): Why?
aIipIushie (5:09:43 PM): What's she doing?
aIipIushie (5:09:49 PM): Is she having emo fits?
aIipIushie (5:09:50 PM): xD
GabrielStiles (5:10:01 PM): Hey, how would you feel about having a 21 year old step mom? LOL
aIipIushie (5:10:26 PM): I probably would do what I can to not speak to you again :/
GabrielStiles (5:10:33 PM): LOL
aIipIushie (5:10:46 PM): You had your share of young girls :P
GabrielStiles (5:10:49 PM): It's not going to happen, trust me. But she is so cute! LOL
GabrielStiles (5:11:00 PM): Yeah.
aIipIushie (5:11:20 PM): Lost me my best friend. - -;
GabrielStiles (5:11:35 PM): Oy...
GabrielStiles (5:11:45 PM): She was not.
GabrielStiles (5:11:52 PM): YOu were not allowed to see her much at all.
aIipIushie (5:12:31 PM): That doesn't really matter, does it? Nothing made what you did right. She was the best friend I had at the time.
aIipIushie (5:13:59 PM): And I still think that baby could be yours, but I haven't seen it either.
aIipIushie (5:21:32 PM): Sorry, but anything with you is a tender subject. Do me a favor and just pretend you have a little respect for how I feel or think towards what you do in your life. Kind of like a real dad. And I know it might be harder than anything else in your life, but no one ever ever said being a dad would be easy ever. Not to mention, someone once taught me that the more you continue to fuck up, the harder things will be for you. My point? If you date this girl or think about it.. just don't tell me please. No jokes either.
aIipIushie (5:21:56 PM): And, no worries about ignoring what I have to say for now. I have to cook dinner for the kids. extended afk.
GabrielStiles (5:22:38 PM): Jennifer, I do not have a clue what you are talking about. But if you say so.
GabrielStiles signed off at 5:22:54 PM.

Granted, I rip into my dad with something or other everytime I see him, but I have reason, considering he makes it sound like the things he's done were some unfortunate accident. I cried a little when he signed off.. I think that's the first time I've ever asked him to be my dad. Maybe all the things he's done to me have made me too bitter to be his daughter anymore.

Why do I have to be so full of hope?